"WHO RANG THAT BELL?"

Dateline - 1/15/09 09:50 PST
Place - my porch

So, I am sitting at my desk. I am a whopping 2 feet from my front door. Just a usual morning of drinking coffee, posting links to facebook that make me laugh out loud (lol, if you will). Tired, yet enjoying the Dunkin Donuts coffee I have delivered every month to keep me sane. My trusty canine resting at my feet, when a knock comes to the door.
**knock, knock**

ME: (out loud) "Who the fuck is knocking at my door at this time of the morning"

So, Kona barks and I mumble some sort of incoherent, half caffeinated swears out loud. I open the door to see a man and a women either dressed for a used car lot, or court. I couldn't decide which, until I saw the stack of Bibles they had. The light goes on in my head. It was at this point I decided I would politely decline anything they were handing out. I was SERIOUSLY going to be nice, considering, I did not assume (my bad) they were going to piss me right off.

Now, as a reminder, I currently live in the countryside. You don't "find my house accidentally". You have to drive to my house, park in my driveway and get out. Your not "strolling" to my house.

Me: "Umm....what?" (Kona is barking up a storm)

Male: "Well good morning, wow that is quite a guard dog"

Me: (sarcastically) "Ya, he is trained to go right after the jugular, not messing around on him...he loves it too. What can I help you with."

Male: (female behind him looking very nervous) "I was wondering if I could speak to you about the fact (I love the FACT this guy used that word) that the Earthquake in Haiti was part of scripture because of gods anger at the nation" (I shit you not, he said this)

Me: "So let me get this straight, you want to come into my home and discuss the fact that YOUR all mighty and loving god "caused" (I did the hand quotes, for effect) a giant earthquake that killed thousands of innocent people because he was "mad at them"

Male: (obviously seeing where this is going) "Umm..yes, its part of scripture and.."

Me: (interrupting in a low and monotone voice staring him in the eye) "get the fuck off my porch...NOW"

Male: (stuttering) "All I want to...(his hand on my front door, Kona went berserk at this point (he got a cookie after))"

Me: (now yelling) "Hey, if you think I am discussing this bullshit with you in my house, your outta your fucking tits. The simple thought that all of those folks are suffering and dying because god said "lets fuck with em" is horse shit. THE EARTH MOVED IT HAPPENS ALL THE TIME. You have 10 seconds to clear out before I have you arrested for trespassing..and before you get to jail they will have to stop and have my slipper removed. Way to fucking capitalize on a tragedy you fuck. SCREW, and don't ever come back."

They moved swiftly for folks dressed up real pretty like. I then sat for a moment aggravated. At first at those fuckers for screwing up my morning "ha ha" time and my coffee. As the moment went on I felt bad for them...not for what I said (Hell no, they deserved it) but that they believed that this is an "act of god".

See, I am more to the right politically. I am socially liberal I would say, but conservative when it comes to small government, crime etc. but I have NEVER bought in to the religious beliefs of the conservative groups. I am NOT religious, nor have I ever really been. I am not saying I do or do not believe in god. I just don't feel I have to exhibit it the same way as other people. I don't need to donate all my money, or go to a place once a week to worship. My relationship with god is my business. I have my difficulties with religion that I DEAL WITH. That being said, I CERTAINLY do not believe that god (what ever form she or he may be) would make MILLION suffer to "get even" over a deal "with the devil".

I knew where the douche bag at my door was going with it. There is some belief that Haiti made a "deal with the devil" to overthrow the French government at some point. REALLY!! REALLY!!! So god being all wise and knowing, caused millions to suffer for a deal they were not even ALIVE to make. I don't fucking think so. That is like saying Hurricane Katrina was god being mad about the Louisiana Purchase. Which, that Haitian's (the known as Saint-Domingue) had a hand in securing. NO, I don't buy it. Not to mention that Haiti is a VERY religious country (80% Roman Catholic).

I think that religions in general are a good thing. I think that religions give certain people hope, that they would not otherwise have. I believe that alot of them do exercise tolerance and understanding. I also believe a majority impact their community through programs, support, fund raising and other community services. I have seen first hand how faith have transformed people and saved their lives, and I am all for it FOR THEM.

What is my point??? Well, I don't think the poor people suffering in Haiti are doing so because their ancestors (and what about the people who were visiting, why did they have to suffer for the Haitians wrong doing...NO ANSWER?? I didn't fucking think so) deals. This was a tragic and sad natural disaster. That was the cause. One piece of the earth went one way, and one went the other. THAT'S IT. Its not that god unleashed his own "earth quake bomb" and channeling the voice of Robert Duval stated loudly "I LOVE THE SMELL OF EARTHQUAKES IN THE MORNING"....NO. If you believe that's the case, fine, send out a memo as too when and where you want too discuss, and the people that want to can show up. But DON'T you DARE come to my DAMN DOOR and jam in my face....for GOD SAKES, I was having COFFEE!